I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
