she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
third nipple confirmed
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
