now i know why i became what i already was.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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