Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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