I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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