Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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