Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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