I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
