i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
