Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I am naked and annoyed.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
