my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
