at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
