He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
