just come out here and I will go home with you...
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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