I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
