The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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