yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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