No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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