If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
