i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
