Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Actions speak louder than pants.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
