Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
