honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
