i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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