i already hear my dad disowning me
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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