I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
