...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
