I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
