I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
