maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
