he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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