i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
