i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
