News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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