guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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