I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
