so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
