They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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