I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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