areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
