My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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