update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
