I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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