when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
