i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
