I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
