I seem to have left my pride at pride
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
