I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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