that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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