I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
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