the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
