I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
We talked him into tasing himself.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
