There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
