Betty ford says i'm here all night
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
