can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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