well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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